Over three online sessions around the winter holidays, we ran a community of practice where participants prepared to challenge divisive language during the winter holidays. Not through lectures, but by practising together. The biggest takeaway: People massively underestimate the influence they have on those closest to them. Speaking up doesnât have to mean winning an argument â it means refusing to let harmful language go unchallenged, with enough skill and composure that you can actually be heard.
Why this matters now
The far right is ascendant. The language of scapegoating, racism, and division is becoming normalised in everyday conversation, including around dinner tables. For people active in progressive movements, the winter holidays can be a source of real dread: the anticipation of comments that go unchallenged, the silence that feels like complicity.
But these are exactly the people we should be talking to. Research consistently shows that personal relationships are one of the most powerful forces in shifting someoneâs views. When someone you love and respect challenges you, it lands differently. People have legitimate reasons to be frustrated about the state of the world, but right-wing media is expert at misdirecting those feelings towards scapegoats. Challenging that calmly, persistently, and with compassion is political work.
What we did
We ran three online sessions as a community of practice, not a course to sit through. First, we focused on the inner work: self-regulation and finding compassion, so that justified anger doesnât hijack the conversation. Then we practised two approaches: responding in the moment, and having a conversation afterwards. After the holidays, we reconvened to reflect on what actually happened when people tried it for real.
A spark moment at the barberâs
One of our facilitators, Lucas, had the perfect opportunity arise when his barber started complaining about migrants and the lack of affordable housing. He thought for a moment and asked: âIf the migrants stopped coming tomorrow, do you think your landlord would lower the rent?â This sparked something within her and the conversation shifted towards the extortionate practices of the property-owning class. No lecture, no argument â just one well-placed question that redirected legitimate frustration towards its real cause.
What we learned
The inner work is the real work. Techniques only land if youâve done some emotional preparation. Participants who had reflected on their own triggers beforehand reported feeling noticeably more grounded when it mattered.
Imperfect action beats perfect silence. Even clumsy attempts to challenge a comment had a visible effect. Seeds were planted. Normalisation was interrupted. And in some cases, follow-up conversations went deeper than anyone expected.
Compassion is strategic, not just nice. The most productive conversations came from participants who genuinely acknowledged their family memberâs underlying frustration before redirecting towards the real causes. People donât change their views when they feel attacked. They change when they feel heard.
People had mixed success with their attempts, but everyone was glad they tried, which highlighted that this is a specific skill to be honed. The intention alone is not enough.
Whatâs next
Surviving the Festive Season was a small experiment â unfunded, and run in the spirit of the solidarity economy. But it confirmed something we believe deeply: that the work of challenging oppression doesnât only happen on the streets or in parliament. It happens in kitchens, at dinner tables, in WhatsApp groups with family. And people can get meaningfully better at it with practice, preparation and peer support.
Building on what we learned, Linda is developing a deeper communication training that gives people the skills and community of practice needed to keep having these difficult conversations â and knowing when itâs more strategic to avoid a topic, e.g. conspiracy narratives, with a person, instead just showing them that they donât need those narratives: they can feel a sense of belonging with you.
Resources
- Roxy Manningâs book How to Have Antiracist Conversations
- Street epistemology:
- Race-class narrative